Up Against a Wall with Nowhere to Turn
When my baby was 4 months old she caught her first "pneumonia." By one-year-old, she had already been diagnosed with 7-8 "pneumonias" and all 5 specialists assigned to her case, had no idea what was wrong.
After each lung disease and immunity test she would encounter, my husband and I would patiently await the results, not knowing what the doctors would tell us.
During one specific lung disease test, I remember waiting 45 minutes, consumed with total fear and fixated on the clock, as every minute painfully passed by. I really had expected the doctor to walk in the room and tell us that our baby had
a terminal illness. Instead he came into the room and told us the results were negative. Deeply relieved that our baby had successfully passed another test, fear still hovered heavily around us, as we were no closer to finding out what was wrong with our precious little baby girl.
On one particularly cold day, I remember calling her lung doctor as her cough continued to persist and was getting worse. He proceeded to tell me the most frightening thing I have ever heard as a mother. "I know you don't want to hear this, but your child is a 'fascinating case'." He was absolutely correct. I didn't want to hear that and as a matter of fact, that statement sent fear even deeper into my bones. This pediatric lung specialist, one of the best in the field, had worked with children for over forty years. My sweet, precious, innocent baby, was a "fascinating case?" How could this be? What were we going to do?
The feeling of fear and helplessness continued to grow even greater inside of me. I had no idea what to do and the doctors continued to be perplexed with each new "pneumonia." I would pray and beg God for answers. I would get angry and yell at him. I would beg and plead with him to help me, yet nothing seemed to work. The feeling of helplessness was overwhelming and all consuming. I didn't know how much more I could take.
The scariest, yet probably the most significant moment of my baby's life, occurred on an icy cold night in the middle of the winter. Our baby had started coughing around midnight and persisted to cough every few seconds for the next 3 hours straight. I had given her both inhalers, current medications, performed lung "bopping" therapy, and had done everything the doctors told us to do. Nothing helped. She continued to cough every few seconds and breath rapidly and heavier by the minute.
We knew our only option left was to take her to the emergency room, but it was the first ice storm of the year. There was no way we could make it out of our driveway, much less have an ambulance make it safely to our house. We were stuck. We had no options. We had no where to turn. Our baby was helpless and breathing heavier after each cough. I was scared. I was desperate. I was consumed with fear.
I remember slowly walking to the bathroom and shutting the door behind me. I began talking to God. With all the energy and strength left inside of me from a sleepless night consumed with fear, I managed to say a few words to Him. I told him that this was it. Either he was going to take my baby home or he was going to have to save her, as we had no other options. It was totally out of my control.
Within a few seconds, a random idea came to mind.
I took the baby from my husband's arms and put her under the cool mist humidifier and gave her a few drops of a medicine she had been given several months prior. Within 10 minutes her cough had drastically slowed down. Within 30 minutes it had totally stopped. She peacefully slept the next five hours with a normal breathing pattern.
Looking back, at the time I really thought the idea that popped into my head after talking to God, was just a "random" idea. Now I clearly know who placed the thought in my mind that night. In my utter desperation and helplessness, He took over, took control of the situation, and saved my baby.
That was the turning point for the health of our baby. We began observing her over the next few days and listened and watched as God showed us things we had never seen before. These were the missing pieces needed to make an accurate diagnosis.
To this day our baby is thriving and doing wonderfully well. It all started on that night when we were up against a wall, with no place to turn, except to God. I have never been that desperate in my life. We literally had no "known" options left. We had no idea what to do. If God hadn't have given me that idea that night, I'm afraid to even think about what the outcome may have been.
I learned one of the hardest, most valuable lessons of my life that night. When I truly turned all control over to God, things began to turn around. For months my brain was exhausted with fearful thoughts that tried to consume every area of my life. Some days the fear did consume me and robbed me of peace, hope, and definitely my joy.
After that night, I learned that I have to shut fear off in my mind by listening to Him. When "seeds" or thoughts of fear come, I ask God to speak "truth" to me. It's when I consciously choose to believe His truths, the most amazing things happen.
There are so many things outside of my control and each time I turn another bit of control over to Him, the more freedom and peace I experience. This is another great example of the Seed Digging process. For me and every person who I have counseled with, I continually discover that "truth sets us free," one moment or memory at a time.
Each time a person overcomes fear in a present or past situation and lets God take control, peace washes in like a flood and miracles happen.
Some people let Him take control much quicker than I did. Others, like me, have a harder time letting go of the control. However, each time I do, the pressures and anxieties of life get smaller and smaller. They become so much easier to combat and overcome.
His love changes things. It destroys fear. It brings peace. It brings joy. It sets people free.