No More Hallucinations, No More Cutting
I'm excited to post this exciting testimonial letter from a mother who felt helplessness and despair as she witnessed the excruciating emotional pain of her teenage daughter who no longer wanted to live.
Her daughter had self-mutilated for years, had hallucinations and delusions since early childhood, and had tried to commit suicide on multiple occasions.
After going through 2 seed digging sessions, she has not encountered any more hallucinations, delusions, nor has self-mutilated in over eleven months.
Not only have these horrific issues disappeared from her life, she actually enjoys her life and wants to live!
I still get chill bumps when I read her story (below). It is my hope that any of you who are struggling with extreme emotional pain or have felt this same helplessness for your child or someone you love, that you do not give up!
There really is hope for lasting and sustained inner healing and peace!
This mother discovered this for herself...
"My sweet little family of 4 seemed to be your typical “Blue Collar” family; Great jobs, good grades, well behaved children, and a household packed full of love and affection. From a very young age, my oldest daughter showed small signs of “difference” (I don’t like to say something wrong…she’s pretty perfect). At age 3 or 4, we noticed her counting numbers often, she couldn’t stand to touch something with one foot and not the other, and she felt very very guilt stricken when she did something wrong. No big deal really. In approximately 4th grade things were getting worse; she would vision things walking next to the car and outside the house, and tics were happening and causing peers to notice. Still not too big of a deal; we consulted with her doctor, went to a psychiatrist, and did tons and tons of research on OCD like the doctors mentioned. It seemed we had a pretty good handle on it. It was Inconvenient at times, but nothing life altering. Fast forward a few years and a few minor incidents later…imagine my surprise when my 14 year old ran away and after finding her confessed to me that she hates life, has heard voices for years, wants to die, and has overwhelmingly felt this way for several years. Wait? What! We’re a good family. You have everything you need. You are shown love and affection daily! What just happened to my life? I’ll never ever ever forget sitting in the hospital with her that night, cuts all over her legs (deep, horrible, mom’s worst nightmare cuts), and every single person I encountered said the same thing; “Bless your heart, you’ve got a long battle ahead of you.” Would I battle this stuff for the rest of my life to save my daughter’s…absolutely. But I didn’t want to! And I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I pretty much felt like I had just been sentenced to life in prison. She went away for a week to inpatient treatment. We met with counselors, learned more about her condition, made “suicide plans” and sent them out, created a list of “coping skills”, and we were ready to fight this thing! As badly as she wanted it to, it didn’t help. She had hundreds of heart to heart talks with me. My poor daughter felt so bad for her family. She believed she had a wonderful family, she worried for her little sister, and she hated the thought of everyone being sad…but she didn’t want to live. The thought of living years and years on this planet made her immensely sad. She actually came to me and said “Mom, I want to die. I know you’ll be sad but it’s not your fault. Will you please just tell me that it’s okay so I can do it and not feel so bad about it?” Sometimes I’m ashamed to admit that I was at a point that I almost considered it. I mean, I’m sentencing this girl to a life of clear horrible depression because I’m too selfish to let her go. Here we go again…another counselor. H
er counselor, Shawna, met with me first; explained Seed Digging and what she was going to do with my daughter. Fine by me, you can try anything you want at this point. I sat in the waiting room waiting for my daughter to finish talking to her. We walked to the car and my daughter (very reserved and unemotional by nature) says to me, “I like her a lot, like I could almost tell her I love her.” Woah, really!! The things she told me that happened in that visit were nothing short of a miracle. Visit number 2 and the girl is acting like she’s cured…like FULLY cured. I’m not getting my hopes up but I remember telling her dad “Can it really be this easy?”. Fast forward a year…..we discovered that a simple “OCD” diagnosis wasn’t even close to correct. I remember a million things that happened in her life that I passed off as her being “different” because she was OCD and overly anxious but was actually something much different. I realized that my child was cutting her body thousands of times and had determined in elementary school that she would NOT let herself live past the 9th grade. TWO VISITS (and I’m not exaggerating) and my sweet, smart, well rounded little girl has NEVER heard a voice again, has never harmed her body again, laughs at the thought of wanting to commit suicide, and actually spoke the words to me “I’m scared to say it, but I feel happy!”. She’s an advocate for “Seed Digging”. She’s proud of herself and she’s excited to be better and help others get there. My heart is whole. That battle they all talked about was a cake walk. Hear me loud and clear, THERE IS HOPE!"