I'm Not Good Enough
Too many times, when children "mess up" or get into trouble, they quickly decide "I'm not good enough."
The brain generalizes that belief of the imperfect behavior to the child himself. This belief or "sad seed" is watered each time a new mistake is made and often carries into adulthood.
A child's actions will eventually begin to line up with that belief "I'm not good enough" and can cause extreme emotional and behavioral issues at school and at home.
When one believes he is not "good enough," anxiety, depression, anger, and hopelessness can quickly result.
By separating the actions from the child, this "sad seed" or belief can actually be pulled and sometimes even prevented.
For example, if a child needs disciplined for hitting, a parent may say, "Your hands are not made for hitting. You will need to sit in time-out for hitting. The time-out is to teach your hands to be kind like your heart."
By reinforcing the goodness of the child's heart and separating the negative behavior from the child himself, he will begin to learn that he as a "person" is good! He will learn that mistakes do not define him and will ultimately learn and grow from them.
When a child believes he is "good," flowers bloom and the child will thrive! Positive emotions and behaviors inevitably result.
The simple explanation behind this is that humans were created to respond to and thrive within unconditional love.
Children want to please others. They want to be loved and accepted just as they are. They need to know that it's safe enough to make mistakes and still be loved and valued at the core of who they were created to be.