He Cheats, She Works Late

October 11, 2014

 

He cheats. She works late.

He wants to feel "needed." She needs to feel "wanted."

She wants her husband. He needs his wife.

When he was younger, his mom was a busy mom. She loved him dearly but she had too much to do.

He wanted her to spend time with him. But there were never enough hours in the day. Cook dinner. Do laundry. Work to pay the bills.

The never ending cycle of "busyness" planted a "seed" in that little boy's mind that told him he wasn't "needed." If his own mother couldn't find time for him, he must not be "important." The words would begin to play over in his mind.

As he grew up, that "seed" was watered. In his relationships, he had unrealistic expectations. He looked to everyone to meet his "needs." He was often told he was "too needy."

The "weeds" that were growing in his life grew bigger with each failed relationship. He also found it hard to keep a steady job because of poor self-confidence in his abilities.

He eventually got married. He felt a bond with a woman who made him feel special. She made him feel important. She helped him feel "needed."

But eventually, he painfully realized that she couldn't meet all of his needs. She also demanded too much of him.

She "wanted" him to do everything with her. She expected things. She wanted gifts. She wanted roses. She "wanted" all of his time!

She spent more hours at work than she ever spent with him. He longed to hold her. He wanted intimacy. At the end of the night, she had nothing left to give.

He soon began to find other "ways" to feel needed. He had affairs. But they didn't meet his needs either. They only gave temporary relief to a gaping wound in his heart. The shame and guilt he felt afterwards just made the wound even deeper.

His wife knows. She cries a lot.

She works late hours. Work empowers her. It makes her feel important. It makes her feel special.

When she was a child, she loved spending time with her daddy. Each birthday she would get lots of roses! She loved feeling "special."

Her daddy gave the perfect gifts, but he didn't always make it to her birthday parties or sports events. He was a busy man and traveled long distances.

With each event he missed, a "seed" would get watered in her mind. "Unwanted. Unloved." Those heart wrenching words began to define her life.

"Maybe if I try harder and be a better girl, my daddy would spend more time with me," she would tell herself.

As a teenager, she began to involve herself in every sport she could. She had 2 jobs and made straight "A's." She was determined to do the best she could! That drive and determination somehow soothed a deep wound in her heart that her daddy's absence had painfully created.

When she finished college, she got her first professional job. If anyone complained or disliked something she did, she would "work harder, stay later" in an attempt to fix the problem. Subconsciously, she was really trying to fix "herself." If she was a "better person," people would "accept" her.

Deep from within, that little girl was crying out and doing everything she could to be "loved." To be needed." "To be wanted."

When she got married she had high hopes for a man who could provide all of these things! She desperately desired for someone to spend time with her. She had so much love to give.

When she asked her husband to "hang out with her," he didn't have time.

He would get lost in his world of "tv." He would leave to go "hunting."

Each time he would leave, she would subconsciously feel the dagger stab her heart, just as it did when her daddy left when she was a child.

Work seemed to "soothe" her. It comforted her. When people would ask for more of her time, a big bandaid would cover that deep wound in her heart that had festered since childhood. She felt "wanted." She felt "needed."

But the more she worked, the more distant he became. The wound was slowly growing bigger and bigger.

And their relationship was getting worse and worse.

It had been withering for years. It now lay lifeless, with little chance of hope.

Until that day.

The day that "Truth" came.

"Truth" told her she was "wanted." She was "loved." And she was "needed."

When "Truth" spoke to him, he discovered he was "needed." He was "valued." And he was "loved."

He discovered that he not only "needs her." He "wants her."

She discovered she not only "wants him." She "needs" him.

Their relationship was watered that day in my office. The weeds are slowing dying. The flowers are growing as the sun rises on the new day.

They are slowly pulling weeds. But they now do it together.

They can do this. They will make it. "Truth" set them free.

"Truth Always Sets Us Free."

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